In Search of Greener Grass

It has been a long couple of months.

I spent the week anticipating a weekend with NO PLANS (no work, no travel, no guests) something I haven't had in 2 ½ months…I would drift off during the day just to think about what it would be like to wake up without an alarm or an agenda….sigh… it sounds so wonderful.

Turns out I get to come in and work the HCJ volunteer sale because Maureen has to go to a memorial service for her godfather. Contrary to the way it sounds, I am not bitter, because this is something I am quite capable of feeling empathy for…but I am a little disappointed.

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A couple of weeks ago at a GSV fundraiser in New Jersey one of my roommates asked me what a HandCrafting Justice sale is like. It's December, and it is the first time anyone besides Hannah has asked about what Sara and I do. Certainly part of the "indirect service" that I hadn't anticipated. Being, or at least feeling, discounted.

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I've had the realization that my exhaustion, though founded due to over-work etc, is mostly due to the fact that I have been lacking in "self-care" lately. I have tried, but the things I have been doing just don't seem to be cutting it. I can spend an entire evening on the couch, sleep a full 8 hours, and wake up the next day totally exhausted. I can't seem to re-energize.

So I am in the midst of developing a new self-care plan. More yoga, books and H₂0.

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My dad sent me an article from Outside magazine about Greg Mortenson, a man who founded the Central Asia Institute. This organization builds schools all around Central Asia, giving children, especially girls, the opportunity for an education they normally wouldn't be able to obtain. After reading, I went online to the links at the bottom of the article, and found myself thinking, "It would be great to be able to work for an organization like this…"

Wait. Hold it.

I DO work for an organization like this. I DO help to give opportunities to people who wouldn't otherwise be able to obtain them.

I was so disappointed with myself for losing sight of that.

I shared this feeling with one of my soul friends* and she told me something that had been told her that rocked her world, "The grass isn't greener on the other side, its greener where you water it." Shocking. It shouldn't be, but was.

Cultivate and it will grow. Cultivate where you are, not where you look towards being. Do this and the grass will be green where you are. Simple.

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* these are the friendships that I feel stem more from the soul than any outward shared experience, they are those people who you instantly feel connected with, even though you seem to not share anything with