The Tao of the Uncertain Traversing a Mighty Terrain

- A Year in NYC –

The end of my time here in NYC begs the question, what have I learned? Admittedly, there is still much to be processed, yet as I look back at my time there are a few lessons I cannot seem to ignore, try as I might.

This, the Tao of the Uncertain, will be something of a series, rather than a long, rambling entry that you would not have the patience to sit and read, nor I, quite honestly, to sit and write.

.001

Values Don’t Just Sit in a Vase on the Mantle

Why don’t we talk about values more often? Not in a “family values,” conservative ramblings sort of way, but in a more personal, less crap filled way…

“Hi, my name is Melissa, these are the things that I value in life and in myself and in the world....”

We introduce ourselves instead with where we are from, where we went to school, and what our family looks like. Sure, these things can reflect our values, but it’s clear that many times there is a missing link in assumptions people make about other people. (See: racism, classism, sexism etc.) So why can’t we make it easier on each other? Is it that we don’t think about what our values really are? And if so, why not?

Living in community with 6 other people this year made me think about values.

To some of us, fairness of the distribution of chores was valuable. To others, social time together and still others, accountability. To all of us, toilet paper. To me… cleanliness. Now, I am not asking that everything in this nasty ex-convent be spic and span, but I would appreciate it if the trash was taken out when full and dirty dishes not left all over the house indefinitely. When I tried to express this value, some of my community made me feel as though I was uptight for possessing this value, that it was their “right” to leave dishes unwashed in the sink and let the bathroom stink for weeks on end. The thing is, I am not uptight. Actually, I am a pretty laid back person most of the time. It’s not my demeanor or neurosis that cause a desire for a clean living space, it’s the fact that I value the environment in which I exist.

So if I value a clean living space, someone else values conservation of energy and someone else values fairness, would we exhaust our capacity to help others keep the things valuable to them? I don’t think so. I think, instead, we would grow in our own capacity to value. And be reminded that valuing others is the most important value of all.

Hi, I’m Melissa. I value:

A clean living space

Honesty and straightforwardness

My family

Good conversation

Good beer

When the previous three are combined into one

Well rounded people who challenge me

Myself

The ability to have fun, and also be serious

Education

Open-mindedness

Social Justice

Opportunities to experience a culture other than our own

The Astoria Bohemian Beer Garden (is there a trend here?)

Community

And so much more.

What do you value?

Think about it.